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Saturday, 31 May 2014
Dear Nigerian Babes: 'Don’t Come & Suffer In Jand! SEE Signs to Look Out For if Bobo Says Come Join Me in 'Paradise"
Post was written by Ruonah Agbroko Meyer.
If you have a bobo in Jand who is asking you to come over and join him in paradise, here are specific signs you have to look for..
Dear Nigerian girls, it’s time to wake up and smell the kunu! Why? Because many of your predecessors now litter the streets, parties, churches and workplaces of London complaining to everyone, including complete strangers, about how they were tricked by men into “coming to suffer in jand.”
This is one area where ignorance is grief, not bliss. And so, if you have a bobo in Jand who is asking you to come over and join him in paradise, here are specific signs you have to look for, to be sure that his net worth equals his current bed-worth.
1. HIS HOUSE
He says he lives in London; don’t get all relaxed because no be like dat. Ask him where exactly, and try to visit, or ask him to show you around via Skype. If he lives in a council flat you’ll know; they often look somewhat like 1004 flats, with none of the prestige or famous tenants like Tiwa Savage. If you visit and discover that the area smells then it is likely to be a council flat because, often, the trash is never collected on time.
Now go inside. If the guy says he lives alone, look about for his pictures. If there are none and if the guy isn’t comfortable showing you the kitchen on Skype, or he leads you to chill in the room throughout your stay, then he is in a glorified “room-and-parlour” situation, aka flat-share.
Electricity bills are also important. If you see none, then “there is a problem.” It means your boo is definitely sharing the flat with others and therefore they pay for electricity using a pre-paid stick, just like a recharge card. The problem with this is that you may marry into that house and one day, while you are having a bath the light, water and everything else will go off because your oga or flatmates cannot pay. Even worse is if your oga-to-be has no flatmates but decides to use a pre-paid stick; that definitely confirms he is Ebenezer Scrooge. Be wise. So that cold no go kill you. Ehen, here is a picture of the stick and payment cards, so you can recognise it if you see it in his flat or in a picture.
2.TV HABITS
In my dating years I avoided guys who didn’t have Cable TV. Don’t judge me biko. Who would you encourage your daughter to date; someone who has StarTimes or someone who has DSTV?
In Jand, the equivalent of DSTV is Sky TV – full Sky subscription costs £807 annually. Any guy willing to shell that out is a keeper; he appreciates the finer things of life, and the channels will keep you busy and happy when you move to Jand. You’ll still be able to watch Keeping Up With The Kardashians and TLC.
But be aware, there is a cheaper Sky subscription, which doesn’t give you movies and sports, costing £258 annually. Give such guys a miss and take the man who has Virgin Media TV with TiVo because this is better, even if with fewer channels. The best men use the full package of broadband and telephone calls – it shows they don’t do things by half. So when you relocate, you won’t suffer from lack of internet and can update your Facebook and Instagram every second with those #IwokeUpLikeThis selfies.
Again, here is a picture of the distinctive Sky box and remote control to help your hustle.
*In addition, steer clear of guys who only watch “catch-up TV” on their iPads. It shows they don’t even have a TV, much less Sky at home. RUN from a guy who has letters warning him he will be prosecuted for not paying his TV license. These types are either illegal immigrants hoping to soon disappear from their current address or worse; they own flat screen TVs and use Sky but won’t pay for a TV license because as ELdee warned us already; all na wash. Remove those Louboutins and…TAKE OFF.
3. CORRESPONDENCE
Forget passports; visas can be faked. To get an accurate grasp of his immigration status and living arrangements, say you want to send him a letter from Nigeria and get his address. Once you have a postcode, you can search online on the electoral roll (our voters’ register in Jand) to see if the guy lives alone, or is shacking up with someone else (real wife or flatmate).
Why the electoral roll? Because it not only confirms the address, it shows that the bobo has some claim to Jand. To be on the electoral roll, you have to be a British citizen or a UK resident. Even better is to google the dates of elections in Jand and ask him in conversation if he will vote, then proceed to shriek with delight and tell him to take a selfie with his letter of notification. If you are visiting, sift through his post…you will see such documents and then you can breathe.
4. MOBILE PHONE TINZ
Finally, take note during those long calls he makes to you in Nigeria where he says he loves you more than his mother. If he continues to complain about “network,” innocently ask him what service provider he uses. If he says 02, Vodafone, EE then all is well. The minute he says “Lebara,” then be aware you may have a stingy cheapskate on your hands.
Lebara is some provider that gives free minutes to Nigeria and is basically for the masses, who only tolerate the shitty network because of the “1,000 free minutes.” If he is so keen on CUTTING COSTS that he sticks with Lebara then he is probably CUTTING SHOWS and using the free minutes to call other ladies because they do free minutes to Ghana as well. Just saying.
And regarding the actual handset, be wary of any guy who visits Nigeria with tons of phones for sale, which all need unlocking. Clearly he has taken out numerous contracts on those phones and is living off credit.
The best kind of guys in jand buy their gadgets upfront, with no fuss, no debt. You gerrit?.
If you visit, check for such contracts and bills. You might as well keep an eye out for bank statements because you can’t go wrong with those.
Again, you can also quickly look at the type of grocery bags in the house. If they are from Waitrose and M&S, then marry the guy. If his bags show he shops at ASDA and Morissons, there’s potential. For those who only shop at Poundland and Iceland, I suggest you do an Usain Bolt, except you are NOT allergic to poverty
CONCLUSION
So, there you have it, ladies. You can see that I have gone to great detail to save you lot from all these wash-wash jand guys. Don’t be fooled by their fresh skin (the weather gives it to us all for free) and don’t get carried away by their pot-bellies straining against TM Lewin shirts (food is cheap and they wait till TM Lewin does sales).
PRAY FOR KEFEE! Singer Kefee In Coma And On Life Support!!! [photo]
Kefee ALLEGEDLY has brain damage and is presently on life support with her heart beat flunctuating....she is in a hospital in Las vegas and is not responding to treatment just now.
Her husband Teddy just arrived America yesterday to be by his wife's bedside.
PLEASE PRAY FOR KEFEE TO WAKE UP FROM COMA...She has been in coma since she collapsed in the plane and did not send any press release thanking people for praying for her a few days back.
Someone else has also been on her social network handle.
PLEASE JOIN HANDS AND PRAY FOR KEFEE TO WAKE UP!
Senator Bola Tinubu Set To become Nigeria's Next President, Changes Plans
According to Reports From Thisdaylive...
Former Lagos State Governor and a national leader of the All Progressives Congress (APC), Senator Bola Tinubu may have reviewed his career progression and resolved to go for the nation’s top job, the presidency.
Tinubu, believed to be initially interested in the nation’s vice presidency is said to have concluded plans to announce his bid for the presidency immediately after the party’s national convention slated to hold between June 13 and 14 in Abuja, the nation’s capital. The APC leader, who is said not to be taking chances about his presidential bid, sources say, has tipped a former senator in the state, Tokunbo Afikuyomi, as the Director-General of his campaign organisation.
According to sources, Tinubu has resolved not to be left out in the emerging dispensation and was prepared to give it his best shot possible, especially in the wake of the opposition that greeted his alleged vice presidential ambition through the pairing of a Muslim/Muslim ticket. This latest move, inside sources however claimed, was designed as a bargaining chip to eventually clinch the slot for the vice-president, since it was most likely that the presidential slot would go to the north.
One of the sources told THISDAY that Tinubu was very displeased with the way his vice presidential ambition through a Muslim/Muslim ticket was exposed, hence his resolve to take his ambition a notch up by eyeing the presidency.
His decision to give the presidential bid a shot, another source said may not be unconnected with the possibility that he could sell out if nothing works in his favour, hence a move that would make it even more difficult for the party leadership to push him aside. Tinubu is said to have seen clearly, certain indications that he and some other notable members of the APC might be played out by the younger elements in the party at the June convention and since there might be nothing left for him, he has therefore come up with a ‘Plan B’ in order to survive the turn of events.
Although one of the sources was not sure how Tinubu intends to pull through both the presidential ambition and the vice presidency since he might be knocked out in both categories, albeit on different grounds that are considered trite.
The source said while the presidential bid looks impossible because of the fact that the party has agreed in principle to zone it to the north where a Muslim candidate is most likely to emerge, his vice presidential bid is literally impossible on the grounds of religion. But a recalcitrant Tinubu is said to have continued with his plans, regardless of misgivings and would soon announce his presidential ambition with Afikuyomi leading the campaign group as the director-general.
According to sources, the choice of Afikuyomi was borne out of the need for someone who understood the politics of the SDP/NRC (Social Democratic Party and National Republican Convention) days and has built contacts across board to help sell his candidacy and sustain the momentum.
Aside that, Afikuyomi was believed to have come through as his choice DG because the former senator from Lagos Central and West is believed to boast the kind of energy, networking and experience required to execute a project as huge as a presidential election.
These are some of the moves the former Lagos governor is said to be making in the bid to remain relevant both now and in the experience after. But they are moves observers believe would further unsettle the party and set it on a collision course if mismanaged.
Tinubu was recently reported as pondering a Muslim/Muslim ticket that could feature him and a former head of state, Muhammadu Buhari in next year’s presidential election, a consideration that has since drawn the ire of party members and opposition alike. Not long after came the indications that he might lose out in the current effort at structuring the party, a development some party members feared could lead to Tinubu selling out in next year’s election like he was believed to have done in 2011. But many of the observers believe that the truly defining intrigues would not start to manifest in the party until the outcome of its national convention and Tinubu’s alleged ambition declaration.
Big Girls Doing BIG things!!! Actress Oge Okoye Opens Makeup Studio…Launches Her Own Makeup Line
Oge Okoye today, 31st May 2014 opened
her Makeup studio and also launched
her makeup line, Crystal Glam in Lagos.
Big congrats to her!
Boko Haram Runs out of Food supply!!!
There are indications that the need to
feed the over 200 students of
Government Secondary School, Chibok,
abducted by Boko Haram insurgents on
April 14 has put pressure on the Islamic
terrorist group to steal food items and
loot communities close to Sambisa
Forest in the North East.
Saturday PUNCH investigations
revealed that the violent Islamic sect
had in the past week stepped up the
looting of villages, markets and food
stores in Borno, Adamawa and Yobe
states for food items including grains
and bread.
O Boy! Meet Davido’s Super Hot Ex Girlfriend, Nish, Also Ghana’s Kim Kardashian (PHOTOS)
Many refer to Nish Kards as the Kim
Kardashian of Ghana. And with her
banging body and some resemblance to
Kim, she dated Davido until enewsgh
blog recently published the following
story:
Nigerian, musician, Davido, has really
had some good times in Ghana. Apart
from the fact that he enjoys heavy
rotation on urban radio, he is also
popular amongst the female republic.
Nish Kards, the Tema-based
fine chica he once dated, is aliving
proof of his excesses. When they were
together (or they still are?), they were
really such a cool item. She liked him. He
liked her. We can’t say much. They’ve
gone their separate ways, we hear. Too
bad. She definitely doesn’t want any of
Omo Baba’s designer clothes, neither
does she want to ride along in his
Ferrari. She is doing fine without him,
we can see. He’s also gone on to some
more hits.
Is Beyonce Having A Secrete Affair with her bodyguard Julius? (See Photos Proof)
According to recent reports, Jay Z is
jealous of Beyonce’s close relationship
with her bodyguard Julius(a divorcee
with a kid) ,and thinks she’s having an
affair with him.He is the same
bodyguard who tried to protect Jay Z in
the elevator attack.He is so close to
her that, his hands are always on her
most of the time..
It is understandable why Jay Z would
feel uncomfortable.The guys knows too
much ,has been there through it all
(since 2009),and is the only one who
knows the truth about that elevator
fight..Lol..He protected Beyonce to the
extent that, after the elevator fight,
Jay Z wanted to enter her car with
Solange but he directed Jay Z to enter
another car…
According to Star Magazine
“Jay definitely thinks that there was
and may still be something romantic
going on between Bey and Julius.He
wanted to fire Julius last February, but
Beyonce said, ‘Julius isn’t going
anywhere.’Despite being subject to
numerous cheating rumors himself, Jay
is, nonetheless, “very jealous” of his
wife’s friendship with Julius — and
friends believe he may have a reason to
be.They’ve spent a lot of time together
behind closed doors,”He’s even stayed
in her hotel room.”
More photos below
Rate Joseph Yobo's Wife, Adaeze & Mercy Aigbe Colourful outfits (See Photos)
If there was a list for s*xiest mom's,
they would top that list..
Who's your fav???
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